Embracing Creative Chaos and Authenticity
Lying in bed last night, this post wrote itself seamlessly in my head. It articulated the lows and highs, the epiphany and aha moments. Yet, this morning, I struggle to even remember what the point of the post was meant to be. But I believe that right there is the point – that our brains are on overload, that as a 46-year-old woman with ADHD, my brain is more like a broadcast center than a radio station. That while I feel like I have a clear path and goal, there are always 50 different stations to play with on my way to the end goal.
For the last 5 or 6 years, I have been choosing a word of the year, and for whatever reason, that word has always taken over my year versus just guiding it. This year, that hasn't been the case, at least not in the same way as usual. This year, it feels like a boulder I'm pushing uphill or a square peg I'm forcing into a circular opening.
My word for 2024 is "Launch." I had grand plans of launching a YouTube channel with all my drawing and art tutorials and expanding into crochet patterns and reviews. There is another piece to the word of the year, but it's still under wraps and coming together very slowly (to my dismay). The YouTube channel took off big with my first three videos. I was already over a third of my way to monetization, and then crickets! Legit, I would wake up every morning with 30-50 new subscribers, and then one day it was 2, and then it was none, and then I'd lose a subscriber, and I've sat at that same 400-ish subscribers now for 5 months.
I started trying different types of videos. I mean, maybe I was on the wrong station; maybe my viewers wanted a different path to the end goal. In the end, all I did was start to second-guess myself and my reason. I had launched successful, 20+ year-old businesses in the past. What isn't connecting now? And then it hit me – I'm trying to brand a business and a channel. I'm trying to make perfect something that is not meant to be perfect.
I had removed the personal and messy part of the process from my viewers. I had removed me! Not to say that I'm something special or superhuman. Instead, I am authentically real, human, and fallible, which makes me relatable. My in-person classes are successful not because of what I teach but how I teach. It's not because I'm the best or the greatest at anything I teach; it's because I am human. I openly make mistakes or honestly tell my students I'm not sure, but I will find out. I am the missing piece to my word of the year.
All this to say, you'll be seeing a lot more of me – the real, the messy, the authentically weird, and sometimes wonderful me. And because my brain is a broadcast center of creative chaos, you'll be seeing all different types of content because it's become very apparent that me trying to plan a structured and clear brand is far from who I am. I am the director of creative chaos. I am always searching for the next dopamine fix. I'm always up for trying the latest and greatest new crafty thing. I am often one to step away from an unfinished project to go find something more fun in the moment. But I always circle back around; the aha moment comes, and when those stations turn down for the night, I start to see clarity and how the big picture all fits together. And when I can see it, really see it, things come together, and great things tend to happen. I hope you'll join me for this creative adventure!
